Well, Mom and Dad Smith just barely walked out the door, loaded their suit cases in the rental car, and drove away. Allie was awake to say good-byes, but I don't think it has really sunken in that they're not coming back. She'll probably wake up from her nap in an hour or so, wondering what happened to Grandma and Grandpa Smith. Oh, it's hard-- living so far away from everyone. Growing up, I never realized how nice I had it. I mean, not everyone gets to practically live with their grandparents. But I actually thought it was weird that both sets of grandparents didn't live near us. Go figure. And while now, as an adult, I wouldn't necessarily want the same situation my parents had, I admit it would be nice to be at least a little bit closer to family-- you know, close enough to where we would be able to drive there in under two hours, or even just close enough to find a nonstop flight, which is impossible out of Orlando.
I do like living here, though. It has taken me nearly two years to come to that conclusion, but I honestly can say I like it here. The people are friendly, the air is fresh, we're near the beach and fun parks, its winter weather can't be beat, and it's green. It just really bums me out that everyone it so stinkin' far away. I miss them. I would love to be able to just drop the kids off for an afternoon while I go get errands run or go to the doctor. Or even while we go to the temple.
Although, being back here, completely alone, perhaps has strengthened the bond of our little family unit, having only each other on which to depend. It's a good thing we're pretty independent naturally. It' really not that stressful to just figure life out on our own-- sure, we make tons of mistakes, but thankfully we have the Spirit to help out.
One thing I have to fight, though, is that nagging little voice that has this knack for guilt-tripping me-- You know, you're the one that chose to live so far from everyone, or Do you know much it costs for anyone to come visit? or Think about how sad your parents are to not be able to see these girls grow up-- after all, your grandparents saw you grow up. How fair is that?
Yeah, that voice isn't helping. I wish I could smack it upside the head.
Trouble is, we really didn't have all that much choice when it came to living here. We had two choices when the offers came in-- San Jose, CA or here. Hmmm... let's see, live in a shack in the ghetto, or own a new home in a clean, safe neighborhood. No brainer. Besides that, we put a lot of prayer into our decision, and we know this is where we need to be right now-- that moving here was a good decision for us, the right one even. But sometimes I wonder if we're just going to have to be far away forever, torturing our parents with them never being able to see their grandbabies, or if eventually we'll get an opportunity out west that provides us with the means to also comfortably live out there, too. I don't know. That's one thing that can be tough about life-- having faith that the Lord sees all, knows what's best, and as long as we are obedient will help things to work out as he sees fit. And for a control freak like me, being humble enough enough to allow someone else to have the reigns is hard-- knowing the Lord sees what I can't see is pure torture at times.
I really need to stop squinting so hard.
2 years ago
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