Patience... an update

These are comments I received after putting this post on Facebook...

“Specifically on the getting dressed issue.....when my oldest (now 20) was about 4 I had the same problem. Was still in the AF at the time and had to get the 2 children to the babysitter and get to work on time every morning, so dressing in a timely manner was crucial. Finally, one cool winter morning when he was again running around in his underwear oblivious to the need to dress, I told him when we were leaving. I told him if he wanted to stay warm and comfortable he would need to dress. He didn't. I took him to the babysitters in his underwear. I beleive he had a towel to keep the chill off for the 20 min ride. He was mortified. Never had another problem.” – Tamsey Audet
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“Krissy you totally crack me up! Patience has never been one of my greater talents so I know what you mean. This has worked with my kids. I tell them once, the second time is a warning and the third is a time-out or loss of privlege (depending on age, kid, and situation). The trick though is being 100 % consistent so they clearly understand that you are serious and they know what to expect if they don't listen. After a few days of it my kids responded by the 1st request (most of the time). Good luck, once you figure out what will work for your kids, they'll move into another stage to test your patience yet again :)” – Andrea Curtis
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“First of all you are NOT the only mom out there loosing her cool....I swear I have the patience of a saint when it comes to other people's children but put mine in a room and listen to them fight for even a second and I have lost it. I have tried a few things with my children and for a time they work. 1st attempt at teaching obedience/consequence we had a chart....Get caught doing good= a sticker, get caught not doing good=loss of sticker. At the end of the week they could go to the prize drawer and pick something based on stickers earned. 2nd one that we are using right now is the simple Green, Yellow, Red card system. It is very visual and instead of me yelling constantly and feeling terrible I change it, tell them and then they have the chance to earn back their green card. But the Red card results in a loss of privlege or a time out. Seems to be working...for now. :)” – Lori Weston Orton
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“Krissy ~ your children are wonderful! I always told Beth "if you have to choose to be good at home or away, choose away. You are loved here unconditionally." In all my years of daycare and observing children they tend to misbehave where they are most comfortable. That really should be inside the home. But on to your question: I got so aggrevated with Beth dawdling and ignoring me that I would take a random time and say get dressed. After her taking FOREVER I would say "never mind - it's to late now. I wanted to take you to the park/beach/movies/whatever". I always had a little something planned. Then occasionally she would do everything in a timely manner and we would go out for ice cream or something planned. If she asked why she had to clean up her room I would say because I asked you to. If she did it immediatly, I would say "Oh, you did that so quick. I thought it would take longer. Now we have time to read your favorite book or bake cookies or whatever I was planning... to do anyway. (I've never run out of space on a post before - I should have just sent an email). Finally - everyday, several times a day, I would pray that I would be the mother she needed and be able to teach her and guide her to best benefit her. You know your children better than anyone. If you stop and pray each time you will not only find more patience, you will know what to do for each of your children at any given moment to teach and guide them. Love you and your wonderful family.” – Jennifer Westbrook
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“well, i mostly whack mine...just kidding. I like Jennifer's post. I remember clearly one time sitting with Julia and before i spoke I prayed "Jesus, please tell me what she needs" and the next thing I said was "I love you". Her shoulders just relaxed so much and that conversation went well. I wish I had prayed more often but I don't know that the answer would have come so quickly every time. Now that Julia is 13, I should be in prayer 24/7...! Lots of arguments and struggles. And I do think that I got slack after awhile on consequences when she was younger and I am suffering for that now. Train up a child in the way she should go...Hang in there, momma! You're wonderful! Will you be my mommy?” – Allison Cobb
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“Andrea Curtis' method is how we raised our kids. It's the follow thru that wears you out - but is critical - CRITICAL.

In PMG it says patience is the capacity to endure - or delay - trouble, opposition or sufferning without becoming angry, frustrated or anxious. "Patience is related to hope and faith - you must wait for the Lord's promised blessing to be fulfilled."

So hang in there. :-)” – John A. Price
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“ok, I like what Jennifer wrote, however if I told maddy to do something and she didn't do it so I told her oh well, then we can't do what I had planned, she would throw herself into hysterics! I hate the whining and crying!! Now as for Tamsey's comment, oh goodness, do I even dare do that to maddy come school time? cause she is SO slow that we were always late for Pre k!

k, so this isn't about me but you, but you sound just like me, so I"m you, well you're me, no no, I mean we're each other or, well, not really or quite, but um....

at this point should I just try to give you advice? lol, KIDDING! my biggest tactic is to just talk softly (keeps me from raising my voice -doesn't always work) and I sometimes use the ignore tactic. I'll purposefully sit down and start doing something with my other kids and not include her. Then she does what I've asked and we all get to do 'whatever' together. Patience is my biggest struggle!!!” – Jessica McCrary Jones
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” men you have patience.I will wipp butts. no patience even if i slept night and day.no wonder why i like hitler!!!! he is a taurus too. LOL Boy i am in trouble...” – Yola Abdou
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“Patience eh?
Your patience, their training. There is a balance in there somewhere. Of course, about the time you get it all figured out they will be grown. And guess what? They will be fine.
You don't have to be perfect, just keep doing your best and the Lord will fill in the little gaps here and there.

Get off your own back. You are a very good Mom! You have a home filled with love, you honor God and you are teaching those things through word and example.” – Scott Kidwell (Dad)
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“It's good to see that I am not the only mom who looses it. Matt told me the other day I needed to stop yelling. So I yelled at him. I'm sorry, but at the end of the day - most of which I've kept my cool for - I have no patience for the whinning and dramatics as I'm now trying to make dinner. I'll go from talking nicely - which cant' be heard over their screaming, to talking firmly, which I just get given the "evil eye", to screaming at the top of my lungs just to try to be heard - and I lost MY voice! If you find the miracle way, please fill me in. As for the dressing issues - Madysen hates to get dressed in the morning for school. I've now gotten to the point where I tell her to pick out her own clothes and get dressed. Sometimes the clothes match- other times, like last week, she went it mismatched pjs. Or her shorts were on backwards. It just wasn't worth the fight. Since she wouldn't let me do her hair- it went as it was- a MESS! I'll just worry about it on special days & church” – Shawna Putt Gonzalez

Patience

It's no secret. I have very little patience. Anyone in my family will vouch for me. But I do try, honestly. I think the bad behavior from the girls that gets me the most are the acts of ignoring and outright disobedience. After asking, then directing, then commanding them to get dressed or clean up or brush their teeth, I start to fume. My voice gets deeper and louder each time. Ultimately, I end up giving an ultimatum ("You have to the count of 5 to get your tail over here and put your pants on or I'm taking your Tiger...," etc.) or carrying/dragging them, kicking and screaming, to where I need them to be. I think what gets me the most is that it's such a waste of everyone's time! And then they turn to me and say, "Stop telling me that!" If they would just listen and obey the first time, I wouldn't have to ask them over and over, and time would be used so much more efficiently!

Ahhhh!

Obviously, I'm not the perfect parent. I'm not even close. And my kids truly are good kids with good hearts. They do mean well, generally. But there's room for improvement on both sides.

So, all you parents out there, I'm looking to know what you do to maintain patience. How on earth do you keep your cool in such situations? How do you go about getting your kids to be obedient and to listen, if that's even possible at all?

Just to clarify, I'm not asking you to tell me what you think I should do with my own children. If you try to give me advice, I'll just get... well... bugged with you for sounding arrogant. And I really don't to feel that way about you. I'm just asking what you do with your own children. Does that make sense? :)

In the Past Month

I'm sitting at the dining room table with the laptop. Not my first choice of a location to type, but probably better for my back anyway. My first choice was to relax on my own bed, propped up by my pillow with the computer resting on my legs, the ceiling fan adding a tropical breeze to my "paradise." But Sami's sprawled across the bed in a deep afternoon snooze. Next choice, the guestroom. I walked in to find the girls' Disney Princess paper doll collection having taken up residence all over the bed. So, here I am-- in a hard chair... with no ceiling fan. It feels like school.

I never liked school.

But as long as you have me here, undisturbed for once, I might as well write an update. I had anticipated that summer would allow less time for keeping up with any updates or random acts of writing. And I was right. No time, I tell you! No time! But the lack of time just means that we've been partaking in mainly fun. Of course, frustration from an abundance of family togetherness has come into play many times (the kids get sick of being with mom all day... and vice versa), but honestly the activity has been a blast. Between trips to the library and the zoo and the beach, and me teaching the girls to swim in the Samuelses' pool, we've spent a lot of time with extended family.

In mid-June, Mallory (my little sis) came to visit for a week. It was fabulous having her here! We went to the zoo one day, toured Deseret Ranch with Mom and Dad Smith, spent another at Sea World's water park Aquatica, she accompanied me to our ward's annual Relief Society pool party (where we once again dominated the karaoke game... sort of), ate pizza and Mexican food. And Mal is great with the kids-- she had no problem just hanging out at the house and playing Barbies with the girls. She will be a rockin' cool momma someday.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it, the day after Mal left, Allie lost her first tooth! Well, technically it was her second, but this time it fell out, as opposed to being forced out by a very unforgiving coffee table.

A week later we left for a week-long trip to Utah. The morning we arrived, we immediately met up with Todd and Adrian Paschal and their boys Cameron and Taylor. It was strange that we hadn't seen them since they left FL over six months earlier. We sure miss them. It was a real treat for Allie and Sami to get to pal around with those cute boys again. After spending a couple hours with them, we drove down to Spanish Fork to Mom and Dad's Smith's house to stay with Rachelle and the kids and Darren, since Mom and Dad are here in FL on their mission. Kevin and I stayed in Mom and Dad's room, while Drew became a resident of their enormous walk-in closet, and the girls "slept" with their cousin Bella in her room. Since the girls have no cousins here, they adored every minute they spent with any of their cousins. But, I must say, they especially enjoyed their time with Clark (who teased them mercilessly... and they ate it up), Bella (whose cute squeals of delight are contagious), and Bri (who is the cousin closest in age to Allie... and who has a ton of Polly Pockets to play with).

We also got to spend an afternoon with Sarah and Jeremiah and their cute, chubby little Peter. Oh, I love good friends! Between the kids' crying and needing to be taken to the bathroom, and Jeremiah being bombarded with business calls, we didn't have much time to chat, but at least we got to see their faces in person! And since we couldn't get enough of friends this trip, we also had a barbecue picnic dinner at "Big Al" McFerson's house with his wife Babera and their two boys, as well as Rob and Michelle Ormsby and their three (soon-to-be four) girls. Big Al and Rob had been Kevin's roommates and best friends when we were dating. And then from there, we spent the latter part of the evening talking and eating ice cream with Vjollca Martinson her her husband and kids-- Vjollca being a friend from Albania, where Kevin served his mission over twelve years ago, who now lives just down the street from (and is in the same ward as) Kevin's parents!

Kevin's sister Erika was also able to get us tickets to attend the open house of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple in South Jordan. The girls were thrilled to be able to actually walk into a temple for once! They loved the pristine, pure white of the celestial room, and it was quite special to be able to take our kids into a sealing room, with it's velvety altar and glowing chandelier, and talk about how in such a place is where eternal families begin. After leaving, we decided to take the scenic route back to the house, driving up into American Fork Canyon and coming out Provo Canyon. I do miss the majesty of those mountains!

In the middle of the week we drove to a lodge just outside of Heber City for the H.H. Smith family reunion, or all the descendants of Kevin's Smith grandparents. The reunion was pretty much rained out, but the company was great! Kevin sure has some wonderful cousins and aunts and uncles. I may not be connected by blood, but I truly love them. We were only there for a few days, but we got to play at the Alpine Slide park in Park City, participate in a fashion show of Grandma and Grandpa Smith's hat collection, and see Dad Smith's childhood home. I think Allie and Sami especially enjoyed staying up till 10:00 playing Polly Pockets with Bri.

We flew home the afternoon of the 4th. But the girls got in one dip in the kiddie pool that morning as we got everything cleaned and packed up. Between all of the activities throughout the week, Rachelle helped me make festive skirts for Allie and Sami, to match a skirt she had made for Bella. Rachelle was extremely helpful and patient throughout the process. We got a few pictures that day before we had to leave.

As for this past week... It was the week of Scout Camp, meaning Kevin was gone all week. To help break up the monotony of the week, the kids and I went to spend a couple days in The Villages with my great-aunts Ecee and Mary and Uncle Ken, Mary's husband. They took us out to the town square where the girls danced to the live country music till they were sweaty, and we took a couple trips down to the pool where the girls did a good job of clearing the pool of the morning "pool walkers." And Drew loved having attention from someone other than me.

Speaking of Drew, that little boy is growing right up. He's already seven months old, sits up and tries to eat anything he can get his hands on. He has really found his voice, too. He still hasn't gotten any teeth in, nor has he ventured into crawling, but I'm not complaining-- I'm in no hurry.

Well, perhaps I should end this. Both girls are yelling at me to take them to "do something fun" because this house is "so boring" (Are they 3 and 5, or 13 and 15?). And Sami is standing here pinching my leg and "whipping" me with her blanket. Don't worry, they won't get what they want-- I'm entirely too stubborn for that. It's just getting hard to type as Sami pulls on my arm.

I do need to make mention of the passing of my Grandma Betty Kidwell, who passed away June 30th due to complications with cancer. We loved her and do miss her, but what peace the gospel of Jesus Christ brings to me. I know she is in a better place, free from sorrow and pain.