Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Contention

Sometimes it feels like the spirit of contention only exists in our home. Some kind of war is pretty much always waging... and it exhausts me. Most of those battles are fought with Sami. She is bound and determined to win, as am I. But I do win, after a heartfelt exchange of gunfire-- Sami's ammunition being that of ignoring me and then firing hurtful words, mine being repeated commands and then ultimatums. Like I said, I do win, but it sure takes a lot out of me, which, I suppose is what she wants.

I realize I'm young and ignorant and have a lot to learn, but don't we all have a lot to learn?

I sat yesterday morning reading in the book of Mosiah, having just begun the account of Alma and his people in the wilderness. I got to about verse 19, when what I had just read in verse 15 finally caught up with me, and I had to backtrack and read that verse again, slowly, pondering its meaning. I had read the words many times before, but never in this way.

"Thus did Alma teach his people, that every man should love his neighbor as himself, that there should be no contention among them."

We are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves, and I had thought I always knew what that meant. But I had never connected that to avoiding contention before. But as I read it, it made perfect sense.

What happens when we put ourselves, our own needs, our own thoughts, our own ideas, our own feelings above another, giving ourselves precedence or greater importance? We fight, we stew, we argue, we grow bitter. And that is contention. The contention having stemmed from an unwillingness to put someone else and their needs, thoughts, ideas, and feelings at least on an equal plane with our own, which I believe is what it means to love our neighbors as ourselves.

I thought that was fascinating until I saw an image of me battling with Sami. I reread the verse several times, realizing I was the one causing contention.

My mom once told me when I was fighting with my brother on an Easter Sunday when I was about sixteen, that I was the "spirit of contention" in our home. Looks like not much has changed...

I stared down at my scriptures knowing that I have not been validating Sami's wants and feelings. I'll admit that I have always felt my agenda to be "more important." Of course, she views her own agenda in the same way, but she's only three! Goodness! I am thirty-one! I should have a better understanding of this than her...

And then I got to thinking about what exactly I have felt to be "important" and why, and if those things were really as important as I thought they were, and if they were worth the battle, etc. But that's another story...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

In the Past Month

Well, it's official.

Allie has her first crush. Well, at least that's the conclusion I've drawn. And it's not that she's "crushing" on anyone herself, but rather that another little boy in her class seems to think the world of her. Michael is the tallest and oldest kid in her class, having been held back a year. According to Allie, he always seems to be on "red," their classroom behavior being reflected by the stoplight colors, and goody-two-shoes Allie is always on "green." A few weeks ago, as I walked her home from school, Allie casually mentioned an incident earlier that day where apparently Michael hit her in the face with Sean's lunch bag. I sighed. When we got home, I explained to her over a snack the way boys "tick"-- that while any girl would interpret such a heinous act as meaning dislike, to a boy it means he likes you and wants your attention... in any way he can get it. It made absolutely no sense to her, and she looked at me with one raised eyebrow saying, "But he hit me!"

A week and half ago, as I dropped Allie off at her classroom door, I held her backpack out at arms length at the door. "Here, Allie." She was scattered and distracted, talking to Ms. Gregg, looking around the classroom. I said it again, a bit louder. No response. Just as I dropped my head, shaking it back and forth, Micheal, who had been standing next to Allie watching her, reached out to me politely, and said, "Here, I'll hang it up." Mm hm...

On Monday of this week, again as I left her at the classroom door, she walked in to greet Ms. Gregg when Michael looked up and saw her. He jumped up from the floor and declared, "Here, Allie, I'll get you a chair!" He ran over and grabbed the empty chair from where another student sat and put it in her spot. I swear if a kid had been sitting in that seat, he would have pulled the chair right out from under them. I smiled, and looked at Allie... who, of course, didn't even notice. Again, I shook my head, looked over at Michael, and said, "Michael, thank you for getting a chair for Allie. That was very nice of you." Once Allie came home from school, I sat her down again and discussed with her the importance of acknowledging the nice things Michael does for her, so that he continues to have a desire to do nice things for her, instead of mean of annoying things if that's all that gets her attention. I don't want her to lead the kid on, but being kind and courteous and appreciative couldn't hurt!

Earlier in the month, my aunt Gina came for a last-minute visit from Arizona... (right in the midst of our intense cold snap where we were walking to school in 28 degree weather). She stayed for a few days, and we shopped and went out to lunch. She brought us a framed copy of one her sparrow sketches that she has been selling lately, and showed us some prototypes of the Christian clothing line she is working on. We had Mom and Dad Smith over to visit with her one night, too. The kids absolutely loved playing with her, and missed her when she was gone. They sure love it when we have visitors. So it was a treat to have Gina there, and then to see their male Clegg cousins later in the month.

Steve brought Nathan and Jadon out to the Ranch with Mom and Dad, where they slept in an empty trailer, which the boys actually seemed to enjoy. They went on an airboat ride in the St. John's River and apparently saw hundreds of alligators... which sure beats the complete lack of alligators from the airboat ride Steve had taken his girls on during their visit back in December. We spent a day with them at the Brevard Zoo, where we fed the birds and giraffes, and the big kids went kayaking through the park with the dads. Then after lunch at Steak 'n' Shake, we spent the afternoon at the beach. The next day the girls and I went with them and Mom and Dad to the Kennedy Space Center till the early afternoon.... which is really expensive when you don't go on the one weekend a year that's free for Brevard County residents, which is when we normally go. Kevin stayed at home with Drew to let the kid nap, and also to get some projects done at the house, like repairing all the leaky toilets. We missed him, but we all had a good time. We wish more family could visit more often, but we understand the difficulty-- the expense, the time, and the exhaustion of air travel, which are things we know all too well.

I celebrated my 31st birthday in January. And, yes, I do celebrate it. The way I figure it, no matter what, I'm going to get older. Instead of ignoring it, pretending like if I ignore that it will go away, I might as well enjoy it! I spent the day doing basically nothing. Of course, my kids were all fed and clothed and whisked off to school on time, but I spent a lot of time sitting at the piano just messing around... which I really haven't done at length for a really, really, long time. Kevin offered to make me a cake, but I knew that would make for a late evening, so I made it myself, with a little help from my wee lassies. But Kevin came home with a bouquet of tulips (my favorite), and took us all to Mighty Mushroom, my favorite pizzeria. Kev's birthday present to me (and the family) was a new camera, which he had given me a week earlier. Fabulous!

I almost forgot to mention that we got to go see the Lincoln Center tour of South Pacific at the King Center with Kevin and Jill Terry. It was really, really, really good! I haven't seen good theater in a loooong time. Thanks Kevin T. for setting that up!

Before I close, I'll mention the Church's new family search website-- awesome! An article in the Church News encouraged me to get on there and check it out last week, and I have been a family history kick ever since! Found some really neat stuff, as well as some lines that had already been worked on by others. Check it out-- www.new.familysearch.org.

Monday, February 8, 2010