In light of Mother's Day...

There is one very sweet irony to motherhood. With age, and with the birth of each child, a mother gains wisdom, and she is fully aware of this. I know I'm a heck of a lot smarter than I was five years ago. Funny thing about this is that I'm also much more aware of how stupid I inherently am-- of how little I really know in the grand scheme of things. Oh yes, back before I had children I thought I was a genius when it came to child rearing. I could tell you why so-and-so was out of control, or why what's-his-face seemed slow to speak. Now? I keep my mouth shut... for the most part, because just as my three-year-old Sami reminds me daily, "Mom, you don't know anything!" Yep, she actually says that-- I think she picked it up from one silly line in a book we read to her.

As a mother, I see my strengths and weaknesses so much more clearly now than ever before. The quality of humility takes on a whole new meaning-- really knowing where my place is in life, really seeing who I am in a completely realistic sense. I'm not as awesome as I thought I was, and yet, I'm even more so. For all the times I struggle with patience, giving a short, curt answer to one of Allie's constant questions or "losing it" after repeating myself three hundred times to "stop staring at yourself in the mirror and just get ready for school!", I also am reminded of where I triumph, in ways I never thought I would excel. The need for juggling and organization has brought out a talent for planning I never thought I had. Or Kevin constantly reminds me of how he'd rather eat at home than go out "because the food you make is better." Wow! Really? My food? I could barely crack an egg when we were first married.

But I think the most important thing being a mother has taught me has been that life doesn't revolve around me. I have been forced to look beyond myself, seeking to fulfill the needs of my family. Of course, part of maintaining some mental health in this process is also taking some time for myself, to pursue my own interests, which I do, and which my husband fully supports. But those interests are no longer the center of my life-- my family is. What I choose to do needs to benefit them in the end, or it's just not worth the time or energy.

And thus we have the lesson of sacrifice God gives us through this divine calling as a mother. This calling breaks us down into nothing, and then asks us to give all of what is left from a heap of rubble. Yet, in giving with faith, we are built back up into something beautiful and strong. I think of the strongest, most stunning mothers I know, those whose eyes shine bright with wisdom-- their hair graying, their skin worn with wrinkles, yet radiant. They never walked out on their calling, or on the Lord, and He never walked out on them.

As for me? I'm still at the "heap of rubble" stage.