I did it again.
Honestly I don't understand how or why I am able to throw a pity party together so quickly. But that is where I am. Sitting here thinking about my lack of talent... in anything.
And that is what my brain is telling me right now. I realize it's not logical. And I actually know it's not true. Trouble is, it feels true. It's so easy to think about all the people in the world who have similar talents, but are really good-- I mean, the best-- at what they do. And then I compare myself to them. It's not fair, I know, but that is the lot of a perfectionist. I look at those that have achieved perfection (or so it seems), and wonder what the heck is wrong with me to not have gotten to that point with any of my talents.
"Jack of all trades... master of none."
I just read something a friend wrote, along with the comments in response, and thought, She's a good writer... and everyone else thinks so, too. Man, no one out there would ever want to read anything I've written. Mom and Kevin are nuts to encourage me!
Yes, I realize this is completely self-centered.
While I am happy for my friend's talents, somehow I end up turning that on myself, wondering why I just can't be the "best" at anything. Why I have to settle for just being "pretty good" at a lot of things. Now that part about being "pretty good" at a lot of things is true. Pretty good singer. Pretty good dancer. Pretty good writer. Pretty good pianist. Pretty good athlete. Pretty good student. Pretty good mother. But darn it, I just can't get past that "pretty good" stage, and for some odd reason, that's always been important to me! I don't know why... but I hate it!!!
For the most part, I don't think about it. Perhaps I'm even optimistic and ambitious regarding my talents, thinking about what solo I'll shoot for in choir, or contemplating a good course for a writing career. But occasionally something triggers the pity, and then it takes me a day or two to shake it off, spending too much time listening to that stupid little voice in my head that says I'm dumb for even trying-- that I've always been rejected in the past, so what's the point in trying to change the inevitable.
The "inevitable."
I'd like to punch that little voice right in the kisser.
Okay, I know I'm not "the best" at anything, but I don't have to be. Achieving perfection doesn't increase my worth to the the Creator. He gave me the talent I do have, and I can't spend time whining because "I don't have more!" Talk about a selfish brat! So what if I'm never the American Idol? So what if I never write my own Twilight? Can't I be happy without being the best? Can't I be satisfied with being "pretty good"?
Sheesh.
All right, party's over. Everybody go home. That's right, you with the lampshade on your head, take your sad little face and get out.
I have some writing to do.
2 years ago
10 comments:
i think you are being to hard on yourself. I don t know you too too well, but on some of those points I think you are more than "pretty good"
but it is nice to have a pity party every now and then!!
cant wait to hear how your writing goes
I always wanted to be like you when we were growing up. You sing beautifully and have such poise. Well. anyway that what I think.
Wow, Krissy - I was totally just reading this same thing on another friend's blog! We definitely all feel like that sometimes. I've just decided to settle with being "okay" at everything :). That's definitely not easy to do though - but lucky for you, you don't HAvE TO! I have seriously always thought of you as an AWESOME singer, an AWESOME writer, and an AWESOME mom! Seriously. I can honestly say that I have heard you sing and thought, "man, she has the most beautiful voice!" Read things you've written (blog posts/ Christmas letters) and thought, "man, she is an incredible writer!" and seen and read enough to know you are an amazing mom!
Next time you start feeling this way, just compare yourself to someone like me in these areas . . . that should make you feel better :)
You rock - just figure it out :)
Ok - I have to say that piece you just wrote was amazing writing. I can't get my thoughts out like that. I think you should share more of that talent!! My take on being the best at things is that it's better to be well rounded than perfect at something. Just being pretty good at a lot of things sounds much better than being perfect at one thing. Go for the well rounded!!
Funny thing; I have had this same conversation twice in the last couple of weeks (I have often with myself but these were actual people :) I thinks lots of people feel this way - me included. So I just tell myself, if I was perfect what would I still be doing here? So I guess I have something to be working on in my spare time between loads of laundry and meals!
You need to focus on other things like I do, examples: I am a really good TV watcher, obvious pointer-outer, money spender-er, food eater, etc:)
That was so much fun to read! I know it was at your own expense but I'm glad you had that little party! I needed a little laugh. I love the perspective you took to tell your "pity party." So thanks. We all feel that way too. I was sewing Shellys blanket the other day and was thinking about this post and was like man, should I be bummed that I'm not a master at anything but more a "jack of trades?" And then I thought, nah, b/c I would much rather have many unperfected talents than have one perfect one. :) (or so I say) LOL
My band teacher once told me that I could be an amazing French Horn player, but I did too many other things like choir and basketball. But you know what, after the feeling sorry for my own self that I'm not the best either, I realize that I enjoy doing all the other things and that's the best for me. It would be nice to be perfect at something though! I think I can do a mean Roger Rabbit! Krissy, you're awesome.
Isn't it amazing how differently we see ourselves than how our friends and family see us?
You in one word: AWESOME
No doubt about it dude.
One of your other friends/commentors said what I was going to say. If you're feeling bad about yourself you can compare yourself to me because I'm average at best at some things and really suck at a bunch of other things. :)
It's our nature to compare our worst to somebody else's best. And if only we could see ourselves as our friends see us. Or as the Lord sees us.
You have soooo many talents. You have a bunch of obvious ones like singing and writing and mothering. But I most admire your faith and your strength.
Post a Comment