It's no secret. I have very little patience. Anyone in my family will vouch for me. But I do try, honestly. I think the bad behavior from the girls that gets me the most are the acts of ignoring and outright disobedience. After asking, then directing, then commanding them to get dressed or clean up or brush their teeth, I start to fume. My voice gets deeper and louder each time. Ultimately, I end up giving an ultimatum ("You have to the count of 5 to get your tail over here and put your pants on or I'm taking your Tiger...," etc.) or carrying/dragging them, kicking and screaming, to where I need them to be. I think what gets me the most is that it's such a waste of everyone's time! And then they turn to me and say, "Stop telling me that!" If they would just listen and obey the first time, I wouldn't have to ask them over and over, and time would be used so much more efficiently!
Ahhhh!
Obviously, I'm not the perfect parent. I'm not even close. And my kids truly are good kids with good hearts. They do mean well, generally. But there's room for improvement on both sides.
So, all you parents out there, I'm looking to know what you do to maintain patience. How on earth do you keep your cool in such situations? How do you go about getting your kids to be obedient and to listen, if that's even possible at all?
Just to clarify, I'm not asking you to tell me what you think I should do with my own children. If you try to give me advice, I'll just get... well... bugged with you for sounding arrogant. And I really don't to feel that way about you. I'm just asking what you do with your own children. Does that make sense? :)
2 years ago
6 comments:
Krissy, I am right there with you! I'm commenting mostly so I can see what others have to say. I am the same way. I just don't have the patience. I feel like I am constantly praying to have patience.
So I don't know if I have any place to comment, because I am less experienced than probably most of your readers. I know each parent has different levels of patience tolerance (my sister-in-law can stay patient through quite a bit of griping), so I have no judgment on any particular parent. I guess the main thing that helps me is just to try and understand where they are coming from, and why they are being rude, defiant, (the list can go on and on). If it's because they're tired, I just have to accept that the tantrum will come and I have to do better at putting them to bed earlier. If it's because they need their independence, than I try and give choices, than help them know that they have some choices but they can't have every choice under the sun, then change that over and over. If it's because they don't understand, explain it as well as possible. If they are trying to test my boundaries to see where their limits are, I just remind myself that it's ok to be a tough, but loving parent, because they behave much better with limits than without. Overall, I've been trying to understand how Heavenly Father parents me, then try and do the same. I am so far from being good at it, but I can feel more confident that when I am doing my best then that is all that I am asked to do and they will learn what they need to because Heavenly Father loves them and me. I bet you are doing much better than you think; it's just so easy to get down on ourselves when we are frustrated with our children's behavior. Keep up the good work and I remember thinking you were amazing so you must be even better now with the years between us. I hope that's not preachy, but encouraging.
I try and smile, but I find myself yelling a lot. Today Jane did not want to go to Shelly's house, so I told her she could be sad or she could be happy, but we were going. She was sad at first, I got her to give me her best sad face and then happy face and eventually she forgot all about it. The more stressed I am and rushed I feel, the less patient I am. If time is not an issue, I don't care how long it takes her to do whatever I asked. I find it amazing though, that I can say the same thing over and over and over again with no result. And that is why I know Heavenly Father has a sense of humor. You have to. Anyway, random thoughts by Jill. Have a great day Krissy. We're all in the same boat headed in the same direction, come on over to my cabin and visit some time!
Okay, I totally yelled at my one year old today! I know our kids are in different age ranges, but here it goes.
I know that there are time of the month that my patience is not so good, if you get what I mean. I am realizing that I have to take myself out of the situation and give myself a time out. Sometimes she isn't the one with the issue, although she may be tired, but most of the time it's me.. my impatience and controlling self.
It makes me feel better that someone else commented on yelling at their kid... just b/c I know that it happens to all of us. Good Luck!
Hi Krissy!
Thank you for your post!!! I am exactly the same way and have the same problems going on here, so I am excited to read the comments :) I have prayed quite often about this problem and I feel like I get even more opportunities where I can practice my patience... Hasn't really worked yet...
I am sooooo glad I am apparently not the only one having one of those weeks where you just feel like spitting and cussing! You know, for me though when I am doing well with my kittie winkies it's when I don't give them warnings. I say it once, give them about 3 seconds to make the choice then I take action. Say for instance I ask Kimball to go on his bed for throwing a tantrum. I ask nicely and add, you can either go now and just take a second to take a deep breath or you can wail some more and I will start the timer. I know I am soooo mean huh. But if I am consistant and don't raise my voice. By the end of the day we seem to be meshing quite nicely. I read "Parenting with love and logic". Great book. I don't know why I go through these periods of time where I am just so irritable and WAY less patient then the other 80 or so percent of the time. I am doing better and for me I think it just takes time. As I draw closer to the spirit and balance my priorities through the holy ghost I don't feel near as stressed. I am so glad I have sisters in the gospel that I can confide in. Ok really long comment sorry. I was having the worst time the last couple of days with my boys and I was just really glad that you did this post, because it caused me to think about your question for myself. It seemed like they were purposely trying to do things to make things REALLY difficult. But I started to pray about it and recognize maybe what they were feeling that was causing them to act that way. I am grateful a little compassion can go a long way, even for our children. They are so sweet! Sorry about the really long comment.
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