Star Student

Allie has been the Star Student in her class this week (and Sami has been Student of the Week as well!). Each day special time is given to that student, either to share their favorite things or pictures, or to read their favorite picture book to the class, or to share a letter written to the class by the parent. The letter was read today, and I had included a CD of two videos to go along with it, but the CD wouldn't work for her teacher. And even though I had put them both on YouTube, her school computer wouldn't allow access to them. So, I'm including one of them on the blog to see if maybe she can get at least this one from here. (I tried to upload the other one, too, but it wasn't working) Sigh...




This video is from December of 2007. I had just gone to choir practice, and Kevin turned on a CD of old-school rock 'n' roll Christmas tunes. The girls really liked "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"...


Good luck, Mrs. Kohlstedt! :)

The Church's Children's Art Exhibit

About a year and a half ago, the Church called for children's artwork portraying how the gospel blesses their lives. Some of the artwork was to be used in an exhibit in Salt Lake City this summer. I was on the website for The Friend, the Church's children's magazine, when I came across a link to see artwork from the exhibit. I went to the category for 6-year-olds (since she was that age when she mailed hers in). Sure enough, there it was! On the 5th page of artwork, 4th from the left on the middle row. Go to http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=21bc9fbee98db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=efee746fb7b5d210VgnVCM100000176f620a____ and click on "start" to get to the art and then go to page 5. So cool! Allie was thrilled!

Evie's Birthday

There are plenty of other things I could be doing right now, but I knew I needed to make myself sit down and record the events surrounding Eve's birth. Probably more important than, I don't know, say, emptying the waste basket in the bathroom (which is pretty much overflowing right now...).

This is the only birth out of all four that has gone as planned. Allie came two weeks early, Sami came a week late, and Drew came a few days before the scheduled c-section. But Evie decided to be merciful and wait patiently for Dr. Foster to cut me open and pull her out. My parents were relieved, seeing as how their plans to help have been foiled every previous birth. This time, though, they came a couple days early to learn the kids' routines and were able to be here while I was in the hospital, to haul the kids to school or activities, to to babysit so Kevin could visit his wife and new baby without having to wrestle Drew or reprimand the girls for fighting in the hospital room.

Eve Gwendolyn Smith was born August 25th at 8:04am, weighing 8 lbs. 3 oz., and measuring 21 inches long (which the nurse at the pediatrician's office said must have been wrong). Kevin and I arrived at the hospital shortly before 6am. As I waited on the hospital bed while the nurses filled out paperwork and prepped me, Kevin sat reading the book of baby names, as usual. Months earlier I had mentioned the name Eve to him, which he liked at the time, but didn't seem excited about. At one time he had also mentioned to me that he liked the name Gwen. I thought to myself that combining the two would make a nice name, but I hesitated to bring it up... until we were sitting there in the hospital room in official "name" mode. His head was buried in that book, and I just mentioned, "You know, I still really like the name Eve." He looked up and said that it was funny I should say that-- he had just read the name Eve and it hit him that he really liked it, too. So I brought up Gwendolyn as a middle name, and he liked that, too. We decided to go with it once they had wheeled me out of the operating room and into Recovery.

Evie had a nice strong cry when they pulled her out. I was relieved to hear it-- when they had pulled Drew out, he was silent, and I was terrified. After they had suctioned him out, he finally cried, but for a moment I feared there was something terribly wrong. Hearing Evie's cry was such a relief! And I teared up hearing it. I already loved her. And I love her more each day.

I've had many friends say she looks just like Sami, or, at least, that she looks like a Smith baby. I don't know. Maybe. She just looks like Evie to me.

She's a bit fussier than Sami ever was-- seems a bit more like Allie. Isn't too keen on being a baby-- immobile and needy. Just now I caught her squirming around in the baby swing literally trying to sit up, it seemed. For Pete's sake! Sit up? She's only three weeks old!

Allie and Sami love having her around. Allie begs to hold her, and Sami will sit next to Evie and "read" books to her. Drew has being getting more used to not being the baby anymore, and, thankfully, hasn't shown any animosity towards his baby sister. He actually takes pride in being a good big brother-- rubbing her head, calling for me when she's crying, or even trying to hush her cries with, "Shhh... it's okay, Evie. It's okay..."

And I think I will end here, because my high-maintenance baby is calling me again. Probably sick of Sami reading to her. :)

Happiness

My mom asked me while she was here if the thought of Evie being our last baby made me sad. I said no. That I had known it had to end sometime. That I was relieved by the thought of never having to be pregnant again. I was exhausted and overwhelmed by having to juggle the lives of four children. Some women handle having large families better than others. Admittedly, I'm one of the "others". Lately, as I have walked through our house of chaos, cluttered by diapers and blankets and "baby gear", I have dreamed of the day when we'd get rid of it all. Only a few years to go... only a few years to go...

And then Evie fussed this morning. I had just fed her, her diaper was pretty clean, and she hadn't been awake all that long. I couldn't figure out what she wanted. All I wanted was to take a dang shower. Drew was camped out in front of Sesame Street, so I thought it would be a good time for me to sneak away and get cleaned up. But nooooo. Little Miss had to start crying. So I picked her up, held her head, with her face resting on my chest, and hugged her close. I turned and saw our reflection in the mirror. Her cries had stopped. Her eyes had closed. It was the most serene image I had ever seen. Even with my ratty clothes and tousled hair. I looked at that face and felt my tears well up. And suddenly I was sad and grateful all at the same time.

I looked around at my disaster of a bedroom and thought about that day I had been so looking forward to, and suddenly the thought of giving away the swing or the bassinet and leaving baby-hood forever seemed really... sad. The thought of this being the last newborn to cuddle and calm broke my heart. I'd miss the fresh, milky, baby smell. I'd miss the soft, perfect skin. I'd miss the lullaby music I had played for all of my kids during nap time. So I held her close, soaking her in, really trying to imprint her perfect image in my brain.

Since I brought her home, I've struggled. Struggled to be happy. Struggled to find "me" again. We've battled illness around the house, trying to keep those nasty germs away from Evie. We've dealt with disaster as Drew fell face-first on the wood frame of the bunk bed and jammed his teeth into his gums while Sami tried to hoist him up from a clothes bin... all while I was nursing and Kevin was out doing to yard work. And then I couldn't figure out how to fit a newborn into a routine of school, dance, and soccer. Oh, and don't even get me started on the reality of having very little to wear right now...

But looking at that precious little face, so at peace in my arms, all my struggles faded momentarily. It was just her... and me. And for the first time since leaving the hospital I felt happy. What a blessing! What a joy that I have the the privilege of spending life and beyond cherishing this little soul. My heart, while saddened at the thought of Evie being "it", was overflowing with gratitude for the magnificent children I have received.

You'd never know it by the look of my face right now-- all snotty and tear-stained. But I really am happy. Truly, I am.

Time to get Drew and Evie in the stroller and go pick up their spunky big sisters... and give them a really tight squeeze.

Silence

I am alone.

No joke. I really am... at least four days out of the next week and a half.

Sami started Kindergarten today, and Drew is off at his two-day two-year-old class at the preschool. I had thought about running around doing errands, but it has been far too long since I have had this much quiet that I thought I'd just sit here and write something.

Right... something...

Perhaps this should be a day of tears for me. My babies are growing up. I was just sobbing about that yesterday evening, actually-- was listening to (and singing along with) a BYU Singers CD as I made dinner when "Turn Around" came on...

Where are you going, my little one, little one?
Where are you going, my baby, my own?
Turn around and you're two,
Turn around and you're four,
Turn around and you're a young girl going out of the door...

And then I was crying, looking over at my two girls sitting at the bar stools talking about things I can't recall. I had just been yelling at Sami about an hour earlier because of some fit she was throwing, and after a long day of church on my own, I had no patience for it. Suddenly at that moment, though, it seemed so trivial compared to the thought of my little girls growing up so fast-- too fast. I left my station in the kitchen and walked around to give them both a squeeze. They both asked why I was crying, so I told them. Allie gave me a sweet smile and a hug, but Sami's eyes filled with tears. She felt it, too. In that regard, she's just like me-- a little tender-hearted sap who cherishes every stage of life and struggles moving on to the next. She's the type that will cry every time she moves on to the next school, or who will fall apart if we ever have to move out of this house. I know. That was me. Still is.

Which is why I am completely dumbfounded that I'm totally composed right now. Have not cried a single tear.

Must be the end of my pregnancy. I am so focused on surviving the "end" and getting everything prepared, that maybe my brain just won't let me be sentimental today. I'm guessing that will change once the baby is born next week. I probably look at that sweet little person, fresh from Heavenly Father, and be reminded of when my other girls were that tiny, that innocent...

Well, I've done it-- now I'm crying. See? Doesn't take much.

Wow, I really miss them. I'm enjoying the quiet, but I do miss them. Maybe I really should have gone to run errands. Then I wouldn't be sitting here crying like a sentimental schmuck.

And next week this process of guiding a little spirit through mortality starts all over again. The thought had been burdening me, weighing me down like an enormous rock, leaving me not knowing how on earth I would be able to handle four. But I'm reminded that I'm asking the wrong question, because nothing on "earth" will help me. Only Heavenly help will do...

And that enormous rock now seems like a treasure.