"Perfection"

It's no wonder so many LDS women suffer from depression.

I have just been browsing friends' blogs (since the only time I actually do that is when I update my own...). Incredible sewing projects, cooking endeavors, canning pounds of summer fruit, flawless family portraits, babies born at home with midwives, spotless and organized homes, church leadership callings, etc. I could go on... really.

If you haven't guessed, these are all weaknesses of mine. I basically taught myself how to sew. It's painful and laborious, and I'd rather do almost anything else. My kids would rather I do something else, too, because they know when I mess up I'll throw a fit and something will fly across the room.

Okay, cooking isn't a weakness (anymore), but grocery shopping is. And I'm also not ambitious enough to start a cooking blog.

I have no idea how to can food. I buy Dole Mandarine oranges and pineapple chunks.

It has been a while since we did family pictures, but we've never gone anywhere but JC Penney. And my teeth were really yellow at the time.

I can't have a baby outside of a hospital (doomed to c-sections), nor do I think I have it in me to have a lot of kids. Hmmm... patience? Nope. Tolerance of chaos? Zero.

And my house, while decently clean, is far from clutter-free and organized. I enlist my kids to help, and they fight me tooth-and-nail the whole way.

I have never been in an auxiliary presidency the entire time we have lived in Florida. I'm not complaining, but just saying that I think members of the Church (myself included at times) tend to believe that the strongest members of the ward are leading it.

It's much too easy to look at all of these areas where I lack and think that I am less than I should be. If I were a "good" wife... or If I were a patient mother...

But here's the reality. The Celestial Kingdom isn't going to keep out women who sent their husbands to a barber or buy pricey shoes. The Lord won't shun women who get an epidural during childbirth or spend their whole lives faithfully serving "only" as the Relief Society pianist. And I won't be on the "left hand" for buying commercially canned food and purchasing my kids clothes from Target or Old Navy, or even for buying something that's not on sale (gasp).

I just sat down with a member of both the bishopric and stake presidency a couple weeks ago to renew my temple recommend. They asked key questions regarding my faith. I gave honest answers. And I broke-in that brand new recommend at the temple, the House of the Lord, this past week.

And I am reminded that that's what's important.

P.S. Just to clarify, I am not pining for a leadership calling. While I haven't had any here, I've had them elsewhere. Having one is, as Kevin has described, a two-edged sword. It's flattering to receive the call, knowing that the Lord has confidence in you, that He considers you capable and worthy. And there is a closeness of the Spirit, I have found, that comes as a result of having stewardship over other members of the ward. But with that calling comes an enormous amount of stress and work-- meetings, reports, activities to plan, problems to tackle, service to render. It can be overwhelming. So, while it's easy to be fooled into thinking that by not being extended a leadership calling that you're not wanted or needed, the truth is that we are. And those that have such a full-time service calling sacrifice more time and energy than many others are willing to give. Believe me, it's not something to covet.