A Brief Insight

I was talking with my aunt Gina yesterday, venting to her about all of my motherly frustrations. In doing so, she pointed out how hard on myself I have always been, even from the time I was itty-bitty. The conversation progressed to a point where I had a sudden realization of something of which I had previously been in denial. I won't go into how exactly I arrived at this epiphany, because it involved revelations regarding loved ones-- revelations I won't reveal to you. But here's what hit me. I know sometimes that I'm probably too tough on Allie-- I expect too much out of her. I used to kid myself into thinking that's because of my concern for her. However, I always knew I wasn't necessarily concerned for her eternal welfare, because I have faith that will all work out in the end, but I really thought I was merely concerned for her earthly state. I realized that I'm tough on Allie because I'm tough on me, which means that what I'm really concerned about is not so much her welfare, but what her actions reflect about me as a mother and a person. To put it simply, I'm being prideful. Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks. And Gina wasn't being critical or condescending in discussing this. She pointed something out she has noticed in others that brought me to this conclusion. Now I realize that understanding this about myself will not solve all my problems, but it has given me new direction-- hopefully a better one.